I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
