Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
