why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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