My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
