i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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