I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish i was in the wii world.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
