Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
