pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When are your genitals available?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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