he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
