You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
