How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
