youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
