"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
