can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
