so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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