if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
