I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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