OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
