I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
