Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
