3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
