Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
