Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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