i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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