In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize