How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
