My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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