...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
