Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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