I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
