Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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