My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
