OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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