Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
