Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
