So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
