I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
