Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
