this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
