i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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