im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
