if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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