Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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