dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But theres a keg here and me gusta
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
