Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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