so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
