And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
