I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
4 words: hood of his car
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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