Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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