She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
