how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
