So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
