I just made out with a guy for $7.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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