Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
