Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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