does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
