my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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