If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
