A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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