ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
