I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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