OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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