we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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