I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
