i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
