I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
