I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
