in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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