I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
