i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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